Recipe for one crazy bitch
1 cup of OCD (check)
1 pinch of ADHD(check)
1 chunk of Neurotic banter(check)
Generous portion of not following prescriptions (check)
1 whole can of repeatedly asking Gynecologist to test for STDs even though she had not been sexually active since previous appointment- she knows she has a disease(check)
2 pints of Tells you she is having twins because she had a dream about it (check)
2 equal pints of A week later has no interest in having kids because they are expensive(check)
1 large portion of Hates her parents (check)
A handful of takes Christmas gifts that parents sent back to parents house and throws on to front lawn and then drives off(check)
Sprinkle Constantly reminding you she is not going to get that trust fund money (check) because of said lack of relationship with parents(check)
Crush in hand one Hit by former boyfriends(check)
1 quart of Knows everything there is to know from Hannity and watching Fox News(check)
1 rats ass of Lacks sympathy for others (check)
Add Attractive "ultra conservative" that thinks everyone wants to do her(check)
Mix with Constantly teases everyone that wants to do her(check)
3 tablespoons Looks you straight in the eye and tells you that a jealous person could not date her because she has many guy friends that "want to fuck her." (check)
4 oz. No sense of humor for what you find funny but points at the tv when something airs she finds humorous and explains to you why it's funny(check)
1 large Annoying laugh(check)
1 Jar Dresses in a bikini and thigh high boots and posts the picture to FaceBook for everyone to see with caption "...in bikini by request" (check)
Slowly add second jar of Sends the same photo to your phone(check)
1/2 cup Nothing in her refrigerator but alcohol not even condiments (check)
1 8lb head of Narcissism(check)
Mix, stir, shake, spread, and get the eff out the way. Run as far as you can. If she is a stewardess run farther.
FYI.
During our first date she mentioned she was ultra conservative and proudly showed me her CWL. Great. She said the abortion doctor (Dr. George Tiller)who was recently murdered outside of his clinic deserved what he got and she wished she had done it because he was performing late term abortions which she then described in detail. A great topic for a first date.
Beauty is sometimes only skin deep.
1 pinch of ADHD(check)
1 chunk of Neurotic banter(check)
Generous portion of not following prescriptions (check)
1 whole can of repeatedly asking Gynecologist to test for STDs even though she had not been sexually active since previous appointment- she knows she has a disease(check)
2 pints of Tells you she is having twins because she had a dream about it (check)
2 equal pints of A week later has no interest in having kids because they are expensive(check)
1 large portion of Hates her parents (check)
A handful of takes Christmas gifts that parents sent back to parents house and throws on to front lawn and then drives off(check)
Sprinkle Constantly reminding you she is not going to get that trust fund money (check) because of said lack of relationship with parents(check)
Crush in hand one Hit by former boyfriends(check)
1 quart of Knows everything there is to know from Hannity and watching Fox News(check)
1 rats ass of Lacks sympathy for others (check)
Add Attractive "ultra conservative" that thinks everyone wants to do her(check)
Mix with Constantly teases everyone that wants to do her(check)
3 tablespoons Looks you straight in the eye and tells you that a jealous person could not date her because she has many guy friends that "want to fuck her." (check)
4 oz. No sense of humor for what you find funny but points at the tv when something airs she finds humorous and explains to you why it's funny(check)
1 large Annoying laugh(check)
1 Jar Dresses in a bikini and thigh high boots and posts the picture to FaceBook for everyone to see with caption "...in bikini by request" (check)
Slowly add second jar of Sends the same photo to your phone(check)
1/2 cup Nothing in her refrigerator but alcohol not even condiments (check)
1 8lb head of Narcissism(check)
Mix, stir, shake, spread, and get the eff out the way. Run as far as you can. If she is a stewardess run farther.
FYI.
During our first date she mentioned she was ultra conservative and proudly showed me her CWL. Great. She said the abortion doctor (Dr. George Tiller)who was recently murdered outside of his clinic deserved what he got and she wished she had done it because he was performing late term abortions which she then described in detail. A great topic for a first date.
Beauty is sometimes only skin deep.
Labels: recipe for crazy, stewardess
posted by grillcheese at 10:57 PM
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